it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
