just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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