rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
