did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
