just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
