He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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