There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
