The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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