last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's get the cat blown out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
