I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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