i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
