The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
