just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We're too hungover to prance.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
