i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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