I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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