my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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