I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
