Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
