RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
