Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
