I just made out with a guy for $7.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
