come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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