"it" just moved
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
