dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
