We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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