my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
