is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
