I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
