Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
