Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
