I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
