If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
