i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
