Say something about gay babies.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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