I've blown a few things in my day
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
