My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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