While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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