It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
