i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
