You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
