Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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