I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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