There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
