when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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