I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
