she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
organizing the empties. That sober.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
