If i come over, it means nothing
no, he came in my armpit
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
