Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The best revenge is premature balding
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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