JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
