Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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