The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
