where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
