dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
