when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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