I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
