Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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