Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
